The Oh, I couldn’t be scared of you! T-Shirt is the daily shirt at Shirt.Woot.

Artist: David Benton

Price:

Condition: Slashed

Product: American Apparel - 1 Olive Woot Tee

Size:

Description: Okay, I know you have me backed into this corner, and that there’s nothing I can do to defend myself against your attack. And I know that in a moment you will use those razor-sharp claws to tear into my flesh and render me lifeless and mutilated. I know all that, but still, I just gotta say, you are SO DARN CUTE!!! I mean, you could be holding a severed head in your mouth – like you probably will be, as soon as you’re done with me – and I’d still look at you and think, “What a widdle snookems!” And you’re purring?! OMG! Too precious! Yeah, sure: I understand that this shows that you take sadistic pleasure in carving people into virtually unrecognizable piles of entrails and gore, but gosh, just listen to you!!! Well, jeez, we better hurry up, or I might DIE OF A CUTENESS OVERLOAD before you can even open me up! So c’mon! Let’s do this! Here kitty, kitty, kitty! Wear this shirt: to show your parents that you’re finally growing up. Don’t wear this shirt: if you think Chuckie rules and Freddy drools. This shirt tells the world: “Cute can kill.” We call this color: Olive your limbs are belong to us.

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The Ah, well, hello my fine young lady. Methinks ye shouldn’t be this far from the castle. T-Shirt is the daily shirt at Shirt.Woot.

Artist: Charity Ryan

Price:

Condition: Bigger than it looks

Product: American Apparel - 1 Black Woot Tee

Size:

Description: Or mayhaps ye are not of the castle? I don’t believe that I’ve seen ye around much. And I’m pretty sure I’d remember a lady like ye, with thine almost doll-seeming face and thine ability to kind of just hover over chasms. So tell me, do ye belong to his majesty’s household? Yes, you say? Well, I certainly don’t recognize thine voice. Such a low guttural tone for a young lady, and how it almost seems to rise up from the ground below me instead of from thine mouth. I do say, are ye one of those ventriloquists? Nay, says ye? Ye doesn’t know a single thing about puppetry? Ye thinks it’s silly for me to even bring up the subject? Fair enough! Now what’s that? Ye would like me to dismount my horse and give ye a kiss? Why, it certainly is a bit forward, but I’d be a fool to pass up a chance to kiss a fine young lady like thine self! Even if ye does have a voice like a swamp monster! Wear this shirt: under your suit armor to prevent chaffing! Don’t wear this shirt: in place of your armor. It won’t work very well. This shirt tells the world: “She might look prim and proper, but that don’t mean she ain’t freaky-wild underneath it all! Can I getta amen from alda fellas inda house??” We call this color: pitch black subterranean monster lair.

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The Presenting the world’s first quantum t-shirt. T-Shirt is the daily shirt at Shirt.Woot.

Artist: Shirt.Woot

Price:

Condition: in a state of quantum flux

Product: American Apparel - 1 Random Woot Tee

Size:

Description: It’s not every day that a company changes the face of their industry, but we’re proud to announce we’ve achieved just that. Introducing the Quantum T-Shirt, made of pure, experimental, unstable cotton molecules. Each shirt will be shipped to you in a lead-sealed Woot box (in which it may or may not actually exist. You won’t know until you open it) and will adapt a completely random design pattern. And until the government finds out and shuts the whole operation down, we’re even offering Kids’ sizes! Are there side effects to exposing yourself and others to atomically unstable clothing? We sure didn’t bother finding out! We’ll leave that to you, loyal customers. Wear this shirt: If its current nuclear structure allows you to. Don’t wear this shirt: Over exposed skin. This shirt tells the world: “TBD.” We call this color: Who KNOWS what we’ll call this color?

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The Delving into the lesser-known backward-album-feature-film pairings. T-Shirt is the daily shirt at Shirt.Woot.

Artist: Robbie Lee

Price:

Condition: Now legal in Connecticut

Product: American Apparel - 1 Grass Woot Tee

Size:

Description: “Whaddaya want to do tonight?” “I donno, any ideas?” “You ever done the Capery Side Of Humperdinck?” “What?” “The Capery Side Of Humperdinck, hombre. It’s where you play Engelbert Humperdinck’s 1966 album Release Me backwards, and watch The Great Muppet Caper. ” “Whoa. Sounds intense. What happens?” “Everything syncs up, it’s nuts. Like, Miss Piggy’s fantasy synchronized swimming scene starts off with the key change in ‘There’s a Kind of Hush (All Over the World)’.” “OK…” “And Happiness Hotel’ is set to this off-putting rendition of ‘Walk Through This World’.” “Crazy.” “Yeah. And the craziest thing is how watching it makes you feel. It’s pretty far out.” “What does it do?” “It gives you like, the worst, most skull-splitting headache you can imagine.” “Do you think Engelbert Humperdinck wrote the album to match up with the movie?” “Naw, man. The Great Muppet Caper came out in 1981, 12 years after Release Me.” “So how did it happen?” “Well, IMHO, Jim Henson specifically wrote and directed the film to match the album. That’s why it’s so disjointed and oddly paced.” “Whoa.” “Yeah man. Think about it. Now, you want some ibuprofen before we start?” Wear this shirt: backwards. It’ll blow your mind. Don’t wear this shirt: around your mom—she may have a flashback. This shirt tells the world: “There’s no place like Home / Home again.” We all this color: Grass (really).

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The 3rd place in Derby #250: Board Games, with 628 votes! T-Shirt is the daily shirt at Shirt.Woot.

Artist: collinvh

Price:

Condition: lifeless

Product: American Apparel - 1 Silver Woot Tee

Size:

Description: 1. Roll two six-sided di. If your roll adds up to any number between 2 and 12, it means your character has died and cannot proceed around the game board. 2. Consider the math. Yes, that is correct: it is mathematically impossible to achieve anything but death in the initial roll. 3. Seek a solution. There is no solution. Your character is dead. 4. Draw parallels between game and real life. You cannot escape death in the game. And so it is life, as well. 5. Give up on all of your dreams. Self-explanatory. Wear this shirt: to a funeral. Don’t wear this shirt: to meet your friend’s new baby. This shirt tells the world: “Death? LOL! Amirite???” We call this color: silver lining? There is no silver lining.

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The 2nd place in Derby #250: Board Games, with 696 votes! T-Shirt is the daily shirt at Shirt.Woot.

Artist: kevlar51 and walmazan

Price:

Condition: Chock full o’ entendres

Product: American Apparel - 1 Royal Blue Woot Tee

Size:

Description: “Hey man, our Trivial Genome Pursuit results came back.” “Oh yeah, I remember sending that away. What’s the deal again?” “Well, they analyze your DNA and give you a full run-down of your genetic makeup. But they let you know about it through a series of trivia questions.” “How incredibly convoluted. But cool!” “So yeah, want to ask me some questions from my results?” “Sure. What digestive intolerance do you share with the majority of the world’s population?” “Umm. Lactose intolerance?” “You got it!” “Cool. Now let me read one for you. Your rare genetic defect will render you a nerveless pile of flesh in how many years? 5, 10, or 40?” “Wait. What?” “Yeah it’s a tough one. I’ll repeat it. Your rare genetic defect will render you a nerveless pile of flesh in how many years? 5, 10, or 40?” “Oh my god.” “I have my guess, but I’m not 100% sure I’m right.” “JUST TELL ME!!” “No no, that’s not how the game works.” “10 years???” “Nope.” “…40 years?” “Nope. I was totally right! It’s five years! Hey, don’t be so glum buddy, you’ll get the next one.” Wear this shirt: as your “thinking shirt” Don’t wear this shirt: around people who do not understand homonyms This shirt tells the world: “We finally got a piece of the…something.” We call this color: To Her Majesty’s Royal Navy

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The 1st place in Derby #250: Board Games, with 828 votes! T-Shirt is the daily shirt at Shirt.Woot.

Artist: lucky1988

Price:

Condition: waiting for you to land on Boardwalk

Product: American Apparel - 1 Silver Woot Tee

Size:

Description: “Hey, can you look at this for a sec?” “Is it a shirt?” “Yeah.” “I don’t want to.” “Come on.” “No.” “I can’t figure out what’s going on here.” “Fine. It’s a- What the hell?” “Yeah.” “Is it a Game of Thrones reference?” “I don’t know. Does this happen in Game of Thrones? Are there giant rabbits?” “This is Shirt.Woot. There are always giant rabbits. He’s kind of doing a ‘praise the sun’ gesture.” “You think it’s a Dark Souls reference?” “Maybe. He’s got a sun on his tunic.” “Maybe it’s not a reference at all?” “How long have you worked here? Shirts don’t win derbies unless they have some kind of pop culture reference shoehorned in. What was the Derby theme?” “Board games.” “Oh. Oh. It’s- Is it a Monopoly gag? Wait. Black Knight. It’s Monty Python.” “Oooooh.” “Yeah. Monty Python crossed with Monopoly. Gee, how did we not figure that out instantly?” Wear this shirt: While playing some other game that doesn’t take 54 hours to complete. Don’t wear this shirt: If you don’t want to have to explain the gag repeatedly. This shirt tells the world: “Yeah, I didn’t really get it either, but I can’t be trusted with money.” We call this color: Boom! You landed on Silver Railroad! Pay up, sucker!

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The “Come on, school bell. Ring. RING.” T-Shirt is the daily shirt at Shirt.Woot.

Artist: Jakub Gruber

Price:

Condition: Karmic

Product: American Apparel - 1 Silver Woot Tee

Size:

Description: Well, class, I hope you’ve all been practicing your color drills at home because, before we leave today, we’re going to have a quick pop quiz! Ah, ah, ah! No groaning. You may find these exercises tedious now, but the next time you find yourself needing to hide in order to escape a bad situation, you’ll be thankful to have these skills, you mark my words. Now then, Camille, show me periwinkle. Good, good. Chester, I want you to show me chartreuse. No, Chester, that’s more lemon than chartreuse. Do you want to be some flying predator’s meal? Do you? Then let’s put a little more thought and effort into our hues, shall we? Now, Cameron, if you’d please display a nice eggshell whi… Cameron? That’s strange. I could’ve sworn Cameron was just here. Did anyone see him leave? Wear this shirt: when you just want to fade into the background. Don’t wear this shirt: if people are always bumping into you and saying, “Oops! I didn’t see you there!” This shirt tells the world: “Someone’s always got to be the class camouflager.” We call this color: Silver Skin

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Buy this Group Jem and the Holograms Shirt t-shirt at 80s Tees or let us know what you think of the design.

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Buy this Big Bucks Press Your Luck Shirt t-shirt at 80s Tees or let us know what you think of the design.

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